Lulu was a prostitute, but she didn’t want her grandma to know.

One day, the police raided a whole group of prostitutes at a sex party in a hotel, and Lulu was among them.

The police took them outside and had all the prostitutes line up along the driveway when suddenly, Lulu’s grandma came by and saw her granddaughter.

Grandma asked, “Why are you standing in line here, dear?” Not willing to let her grandmother know the truth, Lulu told her grandmother that the policemen were there passing out free oranges and she was just lining up for some.

“Why, that’s awfully nice of them. I think I’ll get some for myself”, and she proceeded to the back of the line.
A policeman was going down the line asking for information from all of the prostitutes.

When he got to Grandma, he was bewildered and exclaimed, “Wow, still going at it at your age? How do you do it?”
Grandma replied,”Oh, it’s easy, dear.

I just take my dentures out, rip the skin back and suck them dry.”

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Imagine sexy moves?? I will give you a tips. How about filling not only your senses but your very soul with the scent of love?  With these ten ’sexiting’ tips, you will have an experience you and your man will never forget.

1. Cuddle up on a snow-soft couch or a warm rug, and watch a film brimming with love and romance.

2. Forget the SMS. End your dependence on e-mail. Rediscover the lost art of writing a good old-fashioned love letter. Pour out your feelings on handmade paper with a thick calligraphic pen, tie a red ribbon in the corner, spray your favourite perfume on it, and tuck it in a place where he will find it first thing in the morning. And mind you, love letters are not just for young sweethearts even if (or rather, especially if!) you have been married 30 years, those syrupy words will melt him faster than butter.

3. Steal a few moments to pamper yourself. Take a warm bath, treat yourself to a head massage, relax with a book. When you feel refreshed and happy, you will naturally want to do more for the man in your life.

4. It is easy to feel a calm joy if you allow yourself to sit, simply sit, in companionable silence for a while. Under the stars, by the seashore, in a chapel and find a quiet spot, and, holding hands, take in the beautiful silence. Sharing your silences can sometimes be the most romantic thing on earth.
5. Pick out a favourite photograph of you and him together, then have it laminated into a bookmark.

6. Have matching lingerie. A present that’s handed over in a brown paper bag isn’t nearly as touching as one that’s thoughtfully wrapped. Trust us on this. It doesn’t have to be fancy; it just has to match.

7. Undress him. The longer you can prolong this, the more wonderful, agonising tension you’ll build. If you can manage it without breaking the flow, proceeding to undress while he watches will make him putty in your hands.

8. Tell him how good it feels. Men thrive on praise, never more so than between the sheets. Not only will it make him feel like a million bucks, but it’ll keep you both focused on what’s working.

9. Let your hands wander. Subtle but devastating. Years from now, he’ll remember the way your nails trailed along the small of his back.

10. Write him a sexy love letter telling him what you like best about your sexy relationship. Also, tell him what you love about his sexy moves.

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Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball
headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
The ball hit one of the men.

He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground
and proceeded to roll around in agony.

The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize.
‘Please allow me to help. I’m a Physical Therapist and I know I could
relieve

your pain if you’d allow me, she told him.

‘Oh, no, I’ll be all right. I’ll be fine in a few minutes,’ the man replied.
He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his
hands together at his groin.

At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took
his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her
hands inside.

She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and
asked, ‘How does that feel’?

He replied: It feels great, but I think my thumb’s still broken