Technology

Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one…

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Customer: Hi, this is Maureen. I can’t get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it’s really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn’t sound good; I’ll make a note.
Customer: No , wait a minute… I hadn’t inserted it yet… it’s still on my desk… Sorry….

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Tech support: Click on the ‘my computer’ icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?

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Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello… I can’t print.
Tech support: Would you click on “start” for me and…
Customer: Listen pal; don’t start getting technical on me! I’m not Bill Gates.

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Oral sex for women

sexWomen like oral sex a lot. Oral sex for women or in other words cunnilingus is something that can make a woman go crazy of pleasure and satisfaction. Due to some anatomic reasons tongue and mouth touching women’s genitals gives incredible feeling for her, but there are some things that partner (men) should know and pay attention to. Cunnilingus is delicate skill, which requires patience, practice and understanding how to do it right.

During cunnilingus man should never rush – that doesn’t give any positive feelings for woman. Many women find it exciting when man is teasing her with tongue – slowly and quietly. Then a pleasure comes step by step giving amazing feeling for her. There are a big percentage of women who achieve orgasm from oral sex, but not all – so people do oral sex in two different ways:
1. First is for women who do not achieve orgasm from cunnilingus. When a woman belongs to this category – oral sex is a good way to warm her up, before having regular sex. There are many couples when man achieves orgasm quickly and woman needs more time, then oral sex may help to solve a problem of orgasm time between partners.

2. Second type of women, are those, who easily achieve orgasm from cunnilingus. This is an exciting way to make love with partner and diverse sexual life. Besides, it is safer – women will never become pregnant from only oral sex. However, it is not very easy doing cunnilingus to help woman achieve orgasm – a man has to know what his woman like, and which parts are the most sensitive for her. Some people are saying that oral sex for both man and woman is a fine art of sex.

Everyone must find how they like things done to them, and this is a very personal thing. Every woman is different and oral sex will need to be different for them. Some woman may like additional stimulation during oral sex such as one or two fingers into her vagina, stimulate erogenous zone at the roof of her vagina, touch breasts.

Some people are still afraid of trying oral sex because of natural smell vagina, so there is one simple way to avoid it – make sure you go to a shower and wash yourself before having sex (both men and women should do that).

Moreover some ladies, mostly those who never tried oral sex, are afraid that man may not like how she looks “there” or natural smell of that place. Due to this reason, she may not let a man to do cunnilingus to her. That is a personal thing of every couple and it can be changed after sincere talking about it – if a man is smart enough he will let her feel how much he wants to taste her “there” and give her incredible pleasure.

As I mentioned before every single women will be different, and before giving her satisfaction doing oral sex, man should be ready to accept her wishes otherwise doing cunnilingus the way man likes – may be useless for woman. Then there is no point to practice oral sex at all. The difference between normal sex and oral sex pleasure for women is that if a couple is making love in traditional way – they both feel pleasure, but during cunnilingus – woman is the main object that needs to be satisfied. That is why man has to pay all his attention to satisfy her, otherwise women will not try when she will do fellatio for a man. Oral sex between partners requires understanding and caring attention to each other.

A Game At Bedtime

An old man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying in bed for a
few minutes the old man lets out a loud fart and says “one-nil.”
His wife rolls over and asks, “What in the world was that?”
The old man says, “A goal. I’m ahead one-nil.”
A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says, “Goal! One all.”
The old boy farts again. “Goal! I’m ahead 2-1.”
Now starting to get into this the wife quickly farts again and says,
“Goal! 2 all.”
The old man tries to fart again, but cannot. Trying desperately not
to be out-done by his wife, he gives it everything he has to get out
just one more fart.
He strains a little too hard and sh*ts the bed.
The wife asks, “Now what in the world was that?”
The old man replies, “Half-time, switch sides.”

Three Jobs

There Were An Engineer, …
… manager and programmer driving down a steep mountain road.

The brakes failed and the car careened down the road out of control.

Half way down the driver managed to stop the car by running it against the embankment narrowing avoiding going over a cliff.

They all got out, shaken by their narrow escape from death, but otherwise unharmed.

The manager said “To fix this problem we need to organize a committee, have meetings, and through a process of continuous improvement, develop a solution.”

The engineer said “No that would take too long, and besides that method never worked before. I have my trusty pen knife here and will take apart the brake system, isolate the problem and correct it.”

The programmer said “I think you’re both wrong! I think we should all push the car back up the hill and see if it happens again.”

Hospital

A six year old goes to the hospital with his grandma to visit his grandpa.

When they get to the hospital, he runs ahead of his grandma and bursts

into his grandpa’s room.

“Grandpa, Grandpa,” he says excitedly, “As soon as Grandma comes into

the room, make a noise like a frog!”

“What?” said his grandpa.

“Make a noise like a frog because grandma said that as soon as you croak,

we’re all going to Disneyland !!!”

Monsters of cock Paris Marie

Here is the Preview:

preview

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Sex Toys?

SenseEven the coolest intimate relations will be richer if you add some novelties and surprises in it. Nowadays there are a lot of sex shops almost in every city around the world, where you can find erotic accessories starting with sexy lingerie of different styles ending with dildos and vaginas.

They always can be ordered by post, moreover they aren’t considered anymore to be a sexual pervert prerogative. Thousands of people buy and use them for the purpose of self-satisfaction or for the satisfaction during the coitus.

It’s important that sex shops and catalogues do not offer their products anymore as the help for onanists. At the very beginning of sex toys appearance, in the middle of seventies, every direction for vibrator use contained the following information: It can help you to relax and to relieve the muscular stress. But in the pictures there was a woman that massaged shoulders, malleolus and even cheeks. Oh, God! Save us from the thought of its penetration into her vagina!!!

Masturbation is no longer a generally recognized vice. Self-stimulation is not only innocuous, but even useful. No one has problems with the head from onanism yet. Masturbation helps both women and men to get rid of stress and loneliness. Also it lets you learn much more about your own body and sexuality.

If you really know what you love during masturbation you can easily explain your partner what type of stimulation of genitals he should choose to satisfy you. The results of it: you derive pleasure from it, and he gains an experience and self-confidence as a subtle lover!

As you know sex can solve any problem between man and woman. So, diversify your sexual life using sex toys!!!